You can't help someone who doesn't think they need it

One conversation this week reminded me of a lesson I've learnt many times over.

A law firm partner told me there was someone in his senior leadership team who would benefit enormously from my mentoring.

The first question I asked?

“Would he accept he needs help?”

“I’m not sure!” came the answer."

The difficulty wasn't finding the right mentor.

It was working out whether that person believed they needed any help in the first place.

That's a very different conversation.

One of the biggest misconceptions about mentoring is that it's something you do to someone.

It isn't.

The best mentoring relationships begin when someone is prepared to question their own thinking. They don't arrive with all the answers. They arrive with curiosity, a willingness to be challenged and an acceptance that another perspective might help them make better decisions.

I've found the opposite is just as true.

If you've already decided you've got everything worked out, every conversation becomes an opportunity to defend your position rather than explore a different one.  Feedback is dismissed. Ideas are explained away. Before long, you're collecting evidence that proves you're right instead of asking whether there might be a better way.

That's when progress stalls.

The business owners and leaders who grow the fastest aren't always the most experienced or the most knowledgeable.  They're usually the ones prepared to change their mind.

Every significant breakthrough I've seen has started in exactly the same place.

Someone becoming open to the possibility that the way they've always thought about a problem might not be the only way to solve it.

If you're leading a business or a team, ask yourself one question.

Where have you stopped looking for a better answer because you've convinced yourself you've already found it?

If that question makes you uncomfortable, it might also be the one that changes the direction of your business.

The hardest part isn't finding the right mentor.  It's deciding you're ready to be challenged.  

If you think you've reached that point, let's talk.